Cross-country Sanity

If you and I have ever sat down and had a conversation about addiction or recovery, you have probably heard me share about the “the two skis” concept of recovery and sobriety. To be fair, I do not personally ski, and this analogy is primarily based off of my Olympic viewership. But the truth remains, that we will only progress forward inasmuch as we progress individually in both our recovery and our sobriety.

Trying to advance only one leg of sobriety by maintaining our boundaries, by not acting out or participating in our addictive behaviors, can only bring us so far if our recovery leg is stuck in a childhood wound. Likewise all of the therapy, processing, healing, and maturing of progressing our recovery leg will only leave us (and our spouses) disappointed, if we do not progress forward in our boundaries, coping mechanisms, and self control also.

Two of the primary momentum builders I have experienced in walking with other men in recovery, are affirmation and accountability – I consider these are our 2 ski poles. Coupled with our skis, I believe we need equal parts of affirmation and accountability to keep us headed in the right direction. An unbalanced approach to accountability; for example, shame from a church-based group, will see us circling back on ourselves — in recovery groups, we call that a relapse. I have seen the same dynamic from the other side, where affirmations without accountability end up looking like enabling, and have the same circling back affect.

Some practical ways to engage in a balanced approach (in no particular order) are:

1. Join with a recovery group and/or curriculum or coach that can help you move forward with healthy habits and boundaries;

2. Connect with a pastor, a therapist, or other mental health professional to work through any family of origin or childhood wounds that have shaped your current reality;

3. Build an accountability structure through a mentor or sponsor, an accountability partner, and/or online software, to create transparency in your habits and activities;

4. Find a safe place where you can share your thoughts and feelings, process hurts and struggles, and receive feedback that promotes growth, not enabling.

I hope that by creating a balanced structure to your journey, you can interrupt the threats of disappointment or disillusionment that threaten to attack our willpower and our sanity. They can start to creep up when we find ourselves circling back into an old habit because we are using one ski pole (or maybe because we haven’t even been taught about the other). These threats may also creep into our thought life and distract our progress when we are prevented from making forward progress because our rearward ski hasn’t moved in weeks/months/years.

Have you encountered any of these (or other) complications from an out-of-balance approach? What are your thoughts about the symbiotic relationship between sobriety and recovery? Or accountability and affirmation?